Dennis Quaid was on the verge of hitting rock bottom amid his cocaine addiction 30 years ago.
“I remember going home and having kind of a white light experience that I saw myself either dead or in jail or losing everything I had, and I didn’t want that,” the Parent Trap star told People for this week’s cover story, published on Wednesday.
Quaid, now 69, said his struggles had become so bad that his band got a record deal, but they broke up because he was “not reliable.”
This is not the first time the movie star has opened up about his dark past.
In 2018, he revealed he used up to two grams of coke a day during the 1980s when his career was on the rise.
“I liked coke. I liked it to go out,” he told the Sunday Times.
Seven years prior to that admission, the Great Balls of Fire! star alleged that cocaine was actually factored into movie budgets and used as “petty cash” in Tinseltown.
However, Quaid decided to go to rehab — or as he reportedly calls it “cocaine school”– in 1990 to overcome his substance abuse issues.
When he got out, the On a Wing and a Prayer star turned to his faith to “fill that hole” that is left when an addict is “done with addiction.”
Quaid began reading the Bible, the Quran, other religious texts and even wrote the faith-based song On My Way to Heaven in 1990 following his new-found spirituality.
The track was also a song for his mother, Juanita Jordan, to “let her know I was OK, because I wasn’t OK before then.”
“I’m grateful to still be here, I’m grateful to be alive really every day,” Quaid also said, reflecting on his past struggles.
“It’s important to really enjoy your ride in life as much as you can, because there’s a lot of challenges and stuff to knock it down.”
This article originally appeared Page Six and was reproduced with permission.
Originally published as Dennis Quaid on harrowing struggle: ‘I saw myself either dead or in jail’